Saturday, August 27, 2011

After the Hurricane

Here's a new haiku as it evolved. I want to say:  
'after the hurricane / leaves and limbs everywhere / a strong green odor',  

but I don't think that is correct. That is the way I experienced it (in 1996), but I think I should end w/ visual image, not odor,  so I try:  

after the hurricane / strong green odors / with leaves and limbs everywhere,  

but that's still not best, altho good. so::  

after the hurricane / green odor / green debris OR

the strong green odor / of green debris 

-- after the hurricane / the strong green odor / of so many scattered leaves,

but that is18 syll, too many, so: 

-- after the hurricane / the strong green odor / of all those battered leaves  

This has 17 syll, and actually says what I want to say, because this is the impression I was left with, all these leaves, and their smell. I think this is best, altho "all those scattered" may be better than "all those battered," still 17 syll. The final two parts = one image, not two, b/c odors also describe leaves. I took a walk 2day and spent one hour thinking about this, daydreaming, etc. This is the work of a poet, and it is fun. See how you play with the image until you get it the way you want it? And see how more than one version can work, and sometimes after you are finished you still might change it?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Old Man Asks Scarecrow Twenty Questions

How much do you get paid?
Do you have job security?
Do you have a pension plan?
How are your stocks doing?
Do you own gold?
What kind of sun block do you use?
Do they ever give you an umbrella?
Do you mind when crows shit on you?
I take it you don't smoke?
Where were you at 10:15 last Friday night?
Have you lost weight?
Are you on Facebook?
Do you have cable?
How's the wifi out here?
Are you married?
Ever been to Cabo?
What is Dorothy like?
You know you're not in Kansas, right?
Do you have a brain?
What's wrong, crow got your tongue?

(note: this is in response to the poem "Girl Who Asks Scarecrow Twenty Questions" by Allison Wilkins, in the journal Word Riot, )